Parents demand their adult son’s bank password and login details to “monitor” his income, but he refuses, choosing to protect his privacy and financial independence

Advertisement
  • Young man sitting on a couch, resting his head on his hand and looking worried or tired.
  • AIO for refusing to give my parents my bank password so they can "monitor" my salary?

    I am a 2024 graduate from a Southeast Asian country and I recently landed a high paying remote role as a Virtual Assistant for a US based company.
  • Because I live in a country with a lower cost of living, my salary is technically "wealthy" by local standards.
  • Last night, my parents sat me down and demanded my banking login and password. Their reasoning?
  • They want to "protect" me from overspending and believe they should be the ones to "set aside" my savings for me.
  • They also mentioned that since I still live in their house, I should not have "secrets" regarding my finances.
  • Young man relaxing on a couch, looking off to the side while a black cat sits nearby.
  • I told them no. I offered to pay a fixed, generous amount for rent, utilities, and groceries, but they called it "insulting." They said I am treating them like "landlords" instead of parents.
  • Now, my extended family is calling me "arrogant" and saying I have "lost my roots" because I want financial privacy.
  • In my mind, I am an adult with a professional career. In their mind, I am an extension of the family communal
  • AIO for standing my ground? Is it an "Americanized" mindset to think my money is mine, or is this a universal boundary I should never cross?
  • Orlina17 S ks that fam calls you arrogant but tbh protecting your finances is not arrogance, it's survival
  • Plastic_Box9546 Original Poster's Reply Will have to think that it's for my own survival.
  • PerpetuallySticky NOR. This is a divergence of culture with you living your life. Do not give into it unless you want your parents to take advantage of it and control you the rest of your life (and probably steal from you). Kudos for protecting yourself. It may be "Americanized", but it's way better than your parents controlling you forever.
  • Upstairs_Actuary5393 NOR. they do not need to monitor your account if you are an adult
  • arifaix NOR. Your money is your money. Banks would actually class it as you breaching your own security allowing them access to your banking.
  • SoonToBeMarried43 "They said I am treating them like "landlords" instead of parents" And they are treating you like an ATM instead of \being\ loving parents you can trust.
  • CatJarmansPants the f Nope, it's a big old f off, and when you get to f off some more from me. Ask them if they'll give you a weekly email on their s , f habits, and if your dad will give you his internet browsing history - after all, no secrets... 'Oh, whats that you say, that's different...?' (I'm the father of a 22yo. I subsidise her home - I have absolutely no right to look at what she spends her money on). If they can't accept that you're an adult, then it's time to leave. They'll love that
  • egru-no NOR - they literally want to rob you. I think you should not dance around the subject. "No, I'm not going to help you rob me, I've given you a very generous offer, so you can be gracious and grateful or you don't have to have anything." I cannot emphasize enough how much laughing at them will completely reduce their power over your happiness. And if they keep pushing ask for proof of what they provided for their parents and you'll match it. Be as generous as they are.
  • True Carry_3153 That should give you good reason to move out and be on your own.
  • Caret-Tops146 Time to move out if you truly want to be an independent adult.
  • Teamtunafish NOR. They do not have the right to demand financial information from another adult, be they child, parent, or stranger.

Tags

Scroll Down For The Next Article